And yet will I praise Him

At church tonight, we sang the song "Lead Me To The Cross". Pastor Ron went up front and talked about the power of the cross...he talked about how there's healing in the cross.

This subject always gets to me and occasionally I find myself questioning. Not doubting. Questioning...

I came to the cross. I poured out my heart. I begged for healing for my little girl. My little girl wasn't healed.

One of the songs I listened to over and over from the day of her diagnosis to the day of her death was the song by Chris Tomlin called "Mighty Is The Power Of The Cross". In the middle of the night while Matt and I drove the LONG drive from Olympia to Tacoma on June 8, 2007...we listened to it then. And I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. I prayed over and over for God to heal her...by the power of His blood...by the power of His cross. I knew He could do it then. I still know it now.

Why? Why didn't He heal her?

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever". Heb 13:8

He healed then. He can heal now.


But like many moms who have lost a child (perhaps every mom?), every time I hear our pastor or someone else talk about the power of prayer and about how God answers prayer and about how God heals...how can I not question? God didn't answer MY prayer. God didn't heal MY girl.


"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" James 5:16.

Am I not righteous? Was my prayer not powerful?


"God gives. God takes. The name of the Lord be ever praised." Job 1:21

The questions will probably always there...and yet will I praise Him.


"But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God" Psalm 31:14.


I'll never know. Not in this lifetime.

I'll never understand. Not in the lifetime.

The "why" will always be there...at least in this lifetime.


But there's one thing that I know that I know that I know...

God is still God.

God is still on His throne.


Even though I know that God didn't answer my prayer the way I wanted him to, I still believe He answers prayer.

Even though I know my little girl wasn't healed, I still believe He can and will heal someone else's little girl.

Even though I will always ask why, I still believe there's another mom out there who won't have to.

And yet will I praise Him.

"Praise the Lord, O my soul! With all that is within me, praise His holy name." Psalm 103:1